Escape The Battle

Is it so lucky, that in my quarter life crisis, I can find my stability in life...
Wait... no, not that way, not in a physical way like money, finance, lover, or something, I surely don’t have it more than any other people 😂

I mean in a spiritual way.
I realized this a long time ago, that even when I always struggle with money, I never once prayed desperately for it.

Whenever I pray, whenever I cry in stress, something I request is always the same.

"Please make me true"

It sounded so hazy even to me. But I don’t know why I never dared to ask something else. As if I would be doomed if I do.

With the time, I grew up, I never stopped thinking about how to be grounded. How to be true. I keep comparing and thirsty about answers, and Alhamdullillah, I get it correctly one by one, from unexpected places and people, peacefully. There is chaos and headache here and there but It is not destructive.

These days, People would say you are a hypocrite when you say that you don't like money. So I wouldn't say that 'directly'. I would just say, I have had enough and I know exactly the amount I truly need, and the amount I can let go.

With my degree and my knowledge, people always say that I deserve a better place, But why?

I have tried it and I failed and then when I look around,
I found a place I can give my all.

True, it doesn’t score the value with how much salaries I would get or how much money I can save for the future. You can call me stupid. Maybe yes, maybe I’m not that smart, and not clever enough to see the opportunities. But I know what I am doing and I always have a plan. And so, why should I be anxious about that, when I know to handle the worst in me and the worst on people is their own responsibility? Say it, doing it for the family, or see the bigger picture thing. Those are out of my capability. The maximum I can do is to flick their logic and let them learn it by themself and of course, be present.

There will always be a challenge in whatever you choose for your life anyway. Feeding them too much wouldn’t be good, it would weaken the strength in their own hand.

And for me,

Of course, I can compete, I can barge my limit and have a fierce battle with others to secure my place higher. I just don't find the need to do that, when I find a nearby place who needs me.

I don’t want to be someone who is lost in the strange world I barely know. And I don’t have to climb a mountain to scream and tell the world that they might have needed me, when I found it already, and it is so so close to me, closer than I thought.

I want to see me and people struggling to make a living while feeling safe, not troubled. I want to be able to count my blessings and not to worry about losing it. Now, even when I tried to get more I know that it is just for my own satisfaction and I also know that it would not end there, it would never end. So I’m aware I have to stand somewhere with a strong hold to not get carried away with the way the world is moving.

Let’s let people who are more capable to handle the bigger world to do that, I will just focus to manage my small world and make it to the fullest. With God’s blessing of course. Later if God witnesses my hardwork, my sincerity, my endurance and He decides to give me more responsibility, I will not escape or lost in the battle with myself, and I can concentrate more on what I can do for ummah, for the masses and for my faith.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim 💙.